the experiment

[instar]

When Andi has gotten one of Charlie's friends to give her a ride to the grocery store and the unauthorized residents of the house can come out of hiding, Bella goes looking for Trouble, so to speak, and finds him in the kitchen.

"Hey," she says, "I have some more questions that I'd be asking Aspret if she was here. Charlie didn't have answers; Esclan wasn't the talkative type or the experimental type."

Comments

[instar]

"If Robin and Ethan won't do science and you will, that leaves a gap in the necessary participants that has to be filled with me, Andi, Charlie, or Ax - and realistically that means me. Trying to decide if I even have a sufficiently well-defined test to run."

[aeskhyne]

"Yeah," he says, "'cause I'd definitely rather it be you."

[instar]

"Well, that and I don't think Andi or Charlie would be keen or motivated by science, and Ax has no Yeerk form and probably couldn't be induced to acquire, let alone use, one if his life depended on it, but yes. That."

[aeskhyne]

"...You know I'm not motivated by science, right?"

[instar]

"Had an inkling. What are you motivated by?"

[aeskhyne]

Trouble considers this question.

"...Y'know, I thought it'd be simple to explain that, but it's actually not at all."

[instar]

"This isn't an especially urgent experiment, if you want a while to put your thoughts in order."

[aeskhyne]

"I'm not sure time will help," he says, smiling crookedly. "I mean, if you want the short answer, it's 'I'd like it'. Or even, 'I'd really like it.' But then it gets... complicated. And very me. I'm not sure I'd know how to explain even if I took a week to think about it."

[instar]

Bella is silent for a moment, then says, "Under the circumstances, putting it into words might not be strictly necessary, although I would like to know as much as possible beforehand."

[aeskhyne]

He drums his fingertips thoughtfully on the countertop.

"I'd let Ethan, knowing he'd probably make me regret it," he says at last. "You wouldn't make me regret it. At least not the same way."

[instar]

"I'd certainly try not to, anyway - why would you let him if you'd expect him to make you regret it?"

[aeskhyne]

"'Cause I'd still want to. 'Cause I love him."

[instar]

"Would that survive the regrettable process?"

[aeskhyne]

He snorts. "Of course it would."

[instar]

"Why?"

[aeskhyne]

"I know what he'd do, and I love him now. So why would I stop if he does it?"

[instar]

"Well, I don't know why you'd let him in the first place," Bella points out.

[aeskhyne]

He shrugs.

"I don't know. I mean, I know, I just - don't know how to tell you. It wouldn't make sense."

[instar]

"Yeah, I'm getting that."

[aeskhyne]

He laughs. "What tipped you off?"

[instar]

"My ongoing confusion, what else?"

[aeskhyne]

"There's something... nice," he says, "for lack of a better word, about giving somebody I love the chance to hurt me when I can't stop them. Even if I know they're gonna do it. But it's a better kind of nice, if I don't think they are."

[instar]

"Vulnerability is appealing, even when it's not going to go well but especially when it's not?"

[aeskhyne]

"...Yeah. Maybe. I mean - it's not that it's more appealing if I think it probably won't go to hell. I just feel better about it. Like... the difference between ice cream, and ice cream somebody's poisoned. All the good parts of ice cream aren't any different, but you still want the second one less."

[instar]

"I don't want the second one at all, so this has very limited explanatory power."