"Hi theeeeere, little chatty one, coo to you too, share with your friends, huh? And I can't take one of you guys home, for one thing you'd never let me catch you, I'm the pigeon equivalent of a scary walking talking vending machine, right, for another Dad thinks you carry diseases, which, if you do, guys, stop, make sure you're getting regular checkups at the vet, take your meds, wash your feet before you have dinner, get your flu shots. And so Mom says I can get a cat. I bet you guys don't like cats, huh? I bet cats are way scarier than the walking talking vending machine. They do no vending. Cats all flunk out of vending school."