the experiment

[instar]

When Andi has gotten one of Charlie's friends to give her a ride to the grocery store and the unauthorized residents of the house can come out of hiding, Bella goes looking for Trouble, so to speak, and finds him in the kitchen.

"Hey," she says, "I have some more questions that I'd be asking Aspret if she was here. Charlie didn't have answers; Esclan wasn't the talkative type or the experimental type."

Comments

[instar]

Bella is silent for a moment, then says, "Under the circumstances, putting it into words might not be strictly necessary, although I would like to know as much as possible beforehand."

[aeskhyne]

He drums his fingertips thoughtfully on the countertop.

"I'd let Ethan, knowing he'd probably make me regret it," he says at last. "You wouldn't make me regret it. At least not the same way."

[instar]

"I'd certainly try not to, anyway - why would you let him if you'd expect him to make you regret it?"

[aeskhyne]

"'Cause I'd still want to. 'Cause I love him."

[instar]

"Would that survive the regrettable process?"

[aeskhyne]

He snorts. "Of course it would."

[instar]

"Why?"

[aeskhyne]

"I know what he'd do, and I love him now. So why would I stop if he does it?"

[instar]

"Well, I don't know why you'd let him in the first place," Bella points out.

[aeskhyne]

He shrugs.

"I don't know. I mean, I know, I just - don't know how to tell you. It wouldn't make sense."

[instar]

"Yeah, I'm getting that."

[aeskhyne]

He laughs. "What tipped you off?"

[instar]

"My ongoing confusion, what else?"

[aeskhyne]

"There's something... nice," he says, "for lack of a better word, about giving somebody I love the chance to hurt me when I can't stop them. Even if I know they're gonna do it. But it's a better kind of nice, if I don't think they are."

[instar]

"Vulnerability is appealing, even when it's not going to go well but especially when it's not?"

[aeskhyne]

"...Yeah. Maybe. I mean - it's not that it's more appealing if I think it probably won't go to hell. I just feel better about it. Like... the difference between ice cream, and ice cream somebody's poisoned. All the good parts of ice cream aren't any different, but you still want the second one less."

[instar]

"I don't want the second one at all, so this has very limited explanatory power."

[aeskhyne]

"Well, yeah, you wouldn't. The point is - imagine for a second that you wanted ice cream really, really badly, and it wasn't fatally poisoned, just the kind where you'd be throwing up for a week. The first one's still better. But it's not better because it's better ice cream, it's better because there's something wrong with the second one. The second one might even look tastier, poison and all. But the first one's what you'd rather pick."

[instar]

"Leaving aside the fact that becoming nauseous right after eating something is a pretty good way to hate that food forever, yes."

[aeskhyne]

"So, it's like that," he says. "Mostly. It's more complicated when you're talking people instead of ice cream."

[instar]

"We have a few more ingredients and aren't nearly so freezer-stable, yes."

[aeskhyne]

Trouble cracks up.

[instar]

"Is it possible to be comfortable in your head, or am I more likely than not to run into unpleasantness whether you're trying to distract me or not?"

[aeskhyne]

"Sure it's possible," he says. "There's always a chance you'll run into something nasty, and nothing's gonna stop you if you go looking, but most of the time I'm just fine."

[instar]

Bella nods.

"This is really weird," she mutters, scribbling in her notebook.